I got distracted early in life; during my 3rd year in secondary school (JS 3). It was the whole “Toju is a fine girl” thing that got to me. I started hearing that too early in a big space and I didn’t know how to handle the attention. Initially, it looked harmless as I went to an all-girls school. Then I started interacting with people from mixed schools, so boys came in and it escalated from just my classmates and girls telling me, “You’re fine” to boys telling me the same. I had no clue how to handle it. I didn’t have an older sister, so there was really no one to talk to. It didn’t even dawn on me to talk to anyone. 

I remember I was in my 4th year (SS1) and I had dated, had something with or liked 7 boys in one year. I was shocked, appalled and sad at the same time. “Toju what’s happening to you?” I told myself. Of course it started affecting my grades. With the boys came parties as well as (at that time) “Eleven forty-five”, a popular club. So imagine me, a 14 year old in SS1 already clubbing regularly and it just seemed normal. I don’t know how God saved me from having penetrative sex and alcohol, but he did. 

Eventually, I felt used by boys and at a point I just said enough is enough. I’d started attending church actively and everything Late Pastor Bimbo had been saying started sinking in. But the whole boy drama had already affected my thinking –I just thought it was impossible to find a guy who was born again and real. I never thought I could meet a guy like my husband. I tell people (and my husband) that “my husband was not the man of my dreams.” He could not have been the man of my dreams because I never dreamt he was possible. It took a long time for people to change their perspective about me. Most times when people met me, they just saw me as Toju, the dumb blonde who was intelligent in junior school and then lost her way. People were shocked at the change in my life because it was very drastic. I had to deal with that, because I was hurt that people thought so low of me.