N546.26K. That was my bank balance 2 years ago. It felt like everything was going to end. Swindled here and there, business almost at a standstill, raging internal storms; the depression was real.

“How did I go from so much to nothing?”

“Is your joy determined by what is in your bank account”, HE asked. 

“No Sir”, I responded. But zero – that was the amount of esteem I had. I always felt fat and unwanted.

“But Gbubemi, you’re so confident. I can’t imagine you having low self-esteem.”

My extroversion was just a cover up. I’d learned while debating in school that speaking passionately helped to hide my fears.

“Chef Fregz, abeg abeg all these your foreign ingredients; we are Nigerian biko we don’t eat such.”

“How many followers do you have? Shei you see what this blogger is doing?”

“Why am I not doing what that Chef is doing?”

Those words were the esteem issues and residue still fighting for a place in my mind and life.

“Gbubemi, if you are busy looking like everybody else, the people that are meant to find you will not find you.” Tara Fela-Durotoye’s words freed me from my tainted perceptions. 

Then HE spoke again:

“Do followers, bloggers and chefs validate you?”

“No Sir”, I responded.

This year I fully discovered my place in Christ. It gives me life. The liberated me celebrates the person God has made me to be; shortcomings, struggles with weight loss, and all. My imperfection makes me the perfect vessel. From the Italian Consulate, to cooking for Ambassadors, to headlining food festivals, my story is being rewritten.